SMOKE AND MIRRORS NO LONGER CONFINED TO MAGICIANS

Duty, Levy, Toll, Tariff, Excise, Charge, Fine and Rates are all the variations used to circumvent the use of the word Tax. The only upfront use of it is when it is combined with Goods, Services, Income and Payroll. I’m not sure what they call the motza derived from the dozens of forms of legal gambling that they pretend to rail against.

I believe that it is time that all levels of government fully disclose before every election how they intend to raise government funds, in what amounts and where they intend to spend it and how many people they will need to spend it. No longer should we have to put up with the smoke and mirrors of what they will spend over the next four years. Like the banks it screens the real income and expenditures from scrutiny.

Each year they announce a four-year spending plan which is the same money they announced three years ago. Four years is also the distance between elections which gives them the chance to announce another expense over four years which will never be spent because it doesn’t exist, it was called something else the year before.

The Stimulus Package was the same. A Billion Dollars promised by the Federal Government to build Public Facilities just happened to be the same Billion Dollars that the State Governments promise to build Public Facilities and the same Billion Dollars that the Local Councils claimed they were going to spend on Public Facilities. Nobody knows whose money they are spending and that’s just how they like it.

To put in a Carbon Tax as an excuse for us to cut the country's carbon emissions while at the same time scrap subsidies which allow ordinary people to cut their own carbon emissions is just another way we are being hood-winked out of our money by rapacious politicians and public servants bent on moving public money into corpoarte supporters pockets.

It's about time we got off our fat behinds, me included, and started to take back control of our own country. Now where did I put that bloody speed camera ticket?

LINTON GOES MENTAL

An idea promptly stamped out by Frazer following the demise of Whitlam in the 70’s was the concept of decentralising some statutory authorities and government departments to regional areas of the country to stem the greed induced unfettered growth of our capitol cities. Despite the fact it’s choking on its own vomit but still supposedly one of the worlds most unloveable cities Melbourne is growing faster than any other city. This may be due to the fact, like Stanley Kramer’s movie ‘On The Beach’ that it would be the last major city on the planet to survive a nuclear winter or nowadays a warming planet.

NSW did it moving the State Planning Authority to Orange, and the State Emergency Services to Wollongong and now Victoria is talking about moving VicRoads to Ballarat. These days with information technology booming and the NBN supposedly sending things around faster it matters little where anyone is provided there are enough trained people to do the work required.

It is now possible for Linton to invite semi-autonomous organisationss or quasi-authorities to relocate to Linton, after all we have the expertise here. This is why we are suggesting that ‘The Centre For The Criminally Insane’ be relocated to our village. With lots of tender loving medication and new modern padded wards and private rooms it would be an asset for the future as our world becomes more insane by the year. We would never have to fear running out of customers thus assuring permanent employment for many local residents.

One only has to think of the supply of occupants coming from within the workforce of Golden Pains Shire Council alone. One drawback may be that we will need many more qualified Psychiatrists with multiple personalities to understand all those of Linton who suffer from the same malady.

Where there is a will there is a relative who would also need to be accommodated near their loved ones. The flow on effect would be most beneficial as medicinal needs would also extend to a need for the Take-away to be able to stock more anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medicines.

An Outfitter specialising in white coats and nurses uniforms, a Farrier to make leg irons, a Milliner to make the many different hats that the inmates would want to wear, Quilters for security blankets, Fancy Dress suppliers to make happy those residents who think they’re Jesus, Napoleon or the Count of Monte Cristo. There are endless possibilities.

Lets start a petition now for the ‘Linton Centre for the Criminally Insane’ I’ll happily sign it if I can also have the opportunity to be the first to go there.  

GOVERNMENTS DON’T MAKE MISTAKES

It is impossible for Governments to make mistakes. That is an awful truth that even they will admit. I would be a strong supporter of any political party that stands up and admits their mistakes. I would be an even stronger supporter of any politician or party that includes in any Act of Parliament a clause which allows anyone damaged by a law (thereby admitting fault).

The Government cannot be sued. Therefore the Stolen Generation, the woefully abused Children in State Care (which still occurs), the Children denied an adequate education because of some smart-arsed theorists who think they know what’s best for children but only manage to succeed in stuffing up the system. The children denied adequate and accessible medical attention in remote rural areas (both black and white).

Where are the pedophiles now that used to be employed at the Old Children’s Homes (Mittagong as an example) when they were closed down. The excuse was a matter of economics the truth was more like they were so riddled with child-abusers at every level that they were closed and the abusers shuffled off to some other department away from children. All in the name of ‘the government does not make mistakes’.

What is happening now with the great and infallible Bishop Pell should not only reverberate throughout Australia's Catholic Church but be rooted out of every government institution, every religious school, every church and particularly every juvenile detention centre. 

Of course it could be worse. We could live in America.

VACANT POSITIONS

MANNIBADAR GRAMMAR PRE-SCHOOL

In conjunction with the Happy Valium Institute Mandibular Children's Night-care has recently received a scratch and sniff book for the tiny tots called ‘See Spot Run’ and innovative way that they can experience touch and squeeze techniques. ‘See Spot Run’ is a simple, easy to rid history of Acne.

An ideal gift for Christmas the little ones will just love running up to you to touch, squeeze, scratch and sniff. We do advise that when children experiment with this book that you keep any family dogs out of reach. Breeds like Pit Bulls are unlikely to enjoy having their tails tugged for sniffing practice.

Fashion Industry - Tanning Fake for Wedding Exhibitions.

A very good position is available to the right coloured girl, preference for beige, to act as a model for the fake tan industry. Applicant needs to have tendency to be an exhibitionist, uninhibited and extroverted. Equity fee plus commissions from sales. Ability to travel and a car essential. Night and Day shifts available. Apply: Sean Ubooti - Wedding Cake and Dress Emporium, Melbourne Convention Centre. Phone 13FAKED for appointment.

Collectors Gallery Exhibition - 1st-14th December - High Heel Collecting Essentials

Employment opportunities will soon become available for young ladies or transsexuals to do some casual modeling involving only below the knees work. June Dally-Watkins will be the MC for the exhibition which will include how to care for high heels, how to sharpen stiletto’s and keeping your legs together.

Hours will vary depending on availability of voyeurs and foot-fetishists to examine the modes and styles being presented. Each foot may be eligible for a supplementary payment depending on which foot spends most time at the front of the catwalk. Please apply in writing with nude 8x10 close-ups from the waist down, necessary for height calculation, leg shape and texture and gender confirmation.

Anne O’Rexia. Suite 2, 2190 Sturt Street, Ballarat or Post Office Box 0410E Wendouree Mail Exchange.

81 AND GROWING STRONGER

Well he’s at it again. That Hellraiser on the side of God.

He’s been defunded, dechurched and almost defrocked but vthat doesn’t stop Bob Mc.Guire, that’s Father Robert Mc.Guire offically, from continuing to shove hgis nose into church affairs at every opportunity.

His latest beating of eclesiastical Tom Tom’s, not having the organ pipes of wrath to play, is about opening the Church up to the community. Holy Mary he’s even suggesting that non-Catholics be included in the use of Rock Choppers resources. He believes that under utilised resources normally being able to cater for hundreds but reduced to the service of dozens could be put to a better use if the great unwashed, tired, lonely and weary could be included in his ‘Catholic Call-to-prayer’ and invoking the chant of the evangelicals by asking ‘what would Jesus do’.

Why can’t parts of the property be used for Needle Exchanges or Food Banks or even Crash Pads if they were found necessary within the community that church purports to serve. Jesus certainly, as I never met him, would not have looked down his nose at the clothes they wore, nor enquired into their sleeping arrangements, I’m not even sure if he would have asked someone about their sexual preferences either. He would have seen someone in need and that would would set him in motion.

I’m not a Catholic, nor am I even religious but even I can see the good that Jesus, if he did indeed exist, intended for his world. It was a rough dog eat dog society where the rich and powerful, just as today, tried to lord it over everybody else. (Is there a pun there?) He saw the injustices and just like the rebel he truly ended up being fought for the Ten Commandments to be upheld by everyone, although I believe in some instances he may have looked the other way - just a litle bit.

Father Bob as we all know him in my eyes is trying to uphold all those principles that the Catholic Church abides by and is not going to be silenced until he hears the sounds of nails into pine. I would suggest that one should seek out and buy his book, as usual your money will be wisely spent helping others and that’s a free plug gladly given.