LINTON GOES MENTAL

An idea promptly stamped out by Frazer following the demise of Whitlam in the 70’s was the concept of decentralising some statutory authorities and government departments to regional areas of the country to stem the greed induced unfettered growth of our capitol cities. Despite the fact it’s choking on its own vomit but still supposedly one of the worlds most unloveable cities Melbourne is growing faster than any other city. This may be due to the fact, like Stanley Kramer’s movie ‘On The Beach’ that it would be the last major city on the planet to survive a nuclear winter or nowadays a warming planet.

NSW did it moving the State Planning Authority to Orange, and the State Emergency Services to Wollongong and now Victoria is talking about moving VicRoads to Ballarat. These days with information technology booming and the NBN supposedly sending things around faster it matters little where anyone is provided there are enough trained people to do the work required.

It is now possible for Linton to invite semi-autonomous organisationss or quasi-authorities to relocate to Linton, after all we have the expertise here. This is why we are suggesting that ‘The Centre For The Criminally Insane’ be relocated to our village. With lots of tender loving medication and new modern padded wards and private rooms it would be an asset for the future as our world becomes more insane by the year. We would never have to fear running out of customers thus assuring permanent employment for many local residents.

One only has to think of the supply of occupants coming from within the workforce of Golden Pains Shire Council alone. One drawback may be that we will need many more qualified Psychiatrists with multiple personalities to understand all those of Linton who suffer from the same malady.

Where there is a will there is a relative who would also need to be accommodated near their loved ones. The flow on effect would be most beneficial as medicinal needs would also extend to a need for the Take-away to be able to stock more anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medicines.

An Outfitter specialising in white coats and nurses uniforms, a Farrier to make leg irons, a Milliner to make the many different hats that the inmates would want to wear, Quilters for security blankets, Fancy Dress suppliers to make happy those residents who think they’re Jesus, Napoleon or the Count of Monte Cristo. There are endless possibilities.

Lets start a petition now for the ‘Linton Centre for the Criminally Insane’ I’ll happily sign it if I can also have the opportunity to be the first to go there.