The following positons are still available for any interested parties. If you are long-term unemployed you may be required to apply for any these posiitons so it is best you drop in now and apply for the best of the worst that you would prefer not to be doing.
Soft Food and Beverage Manager
Located at ‘Geriatric Land’. Will require knowledge of food blenders. Geriatric Land is located adjacent to Sovereign Hill, a fun park with a lifetime pass good for six months.
Employment Scout
Headhunter for recruitment firm seeks unemployed hookers. Extra cash can be earnt by the right young woman by also selling the ‘On Your Backtins Diet’ a low crab supplement for hookers with high protein intakes.
Security Officer
Back Doorman required by gay brothel.
Giggolo
There are several positons available for this easy lifestyle job. You will require a handsome young swimmers body and well developed muscle. The work entails visiting ladies houses while husbands are away for some light tea-bagging. The householder will provide the hot water.
Perpetually Partner.
Have you thought about becoming a perpetual mail-order bride? There are several men on our list who are not desirous of any permanent arrangements. These men are only after your body for their own pleasure and after they have had enough, which depends on how quickly you whinge, whine and fake headaches, may be quite a rapid turn-around. You may be returned as many as 20 times in as many months but each return allows you to keep his substantial dowry. You will be required to provide your own self-addressed envelope.
Flower Arranger
Local dollar store seeks an artificial flower grower with experience in genetically modified paper. FRee training in higher end Origami will be provided to successful applicant.
Comic Book Artist
If you have expereince in grafitti style graphics an international super-hero franchise based in Linton seeks the services of a Sound FX writer for action scenes in their world famous comic books ‘Batman and his little boy Robin’.
Qualified Auditor and Receiver
Nelson Brothers Funeral Parlour in Linton seek Certified Auditor to appraise books and advise on the most apporpriate way to wind up their company. These iconic local morticians servicing the district for over 150 years have come to the conclusion that it is a dying trade.
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