WHO
WILL I UPSET TODAY
By
now we should have just begun to get slightly pissed off with the
ever constant Crissy music accompanying our every trip to the shops.
Personally if I hear one more rendition of White Christmas even if it
is by f….Bing f…… Crosby I swear I’ll tear the throat out of
the first Cashier that asks me if I’m ‘having
a nice day’.
Is
Christmas the greatest joke ever perpetrated on we innocent mortals?
I’m not sure about Jesus’ sense of humour but I’m quite
convinced that either Harry Potter, Batman or God are laughing their
heads off watching the dollars falling into cash registers in the
name of ‘good will’ towards all men whilst at the same time the
Americans and
the
Jihadists are both blowing the heads off children instead of their
poor bloody Turkeys.
But,
shit, I’m caught up in this mess too. Here I am banging on about
the evils of the Western Christmas while making lists of who I’m
going to upset by the purchase of an absolutely useless gift. I know
I’ll hear ‘Oh!
that’s just what I needed’ but
what I won’’t hear is ‘what
the f…. did he buy this for’.
Christmas
is the only time I ever have to tax my brain to actually try and
please someone. For eleven months I sit at home and scheme about why
and in what form I’ll set out to deliberately piss someone off but
when ‘Mo’’vember comes along my priorities turn to presents and
it seems to continue to spread displeasure all around me.
Quite
frankly I have run out of ideas. Everyone has everything so they tell
me when I ask. I’d love to know where they keep it all. So this
leaves me no alternative but be imaginative.
But
hang on a minute, did the Wise Men ever give presents to anyone else
after that fateful night or did they run out of ideas too?
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