A MOMENT WITH MARY

You’ll recall that there will be 11 billion stories in Victoria just about sheep by 2025. We’ve discussed the problems with the sheep now we should look at some of the other issues confronting us if we all become Vegans. You’ve obviously seen the TV ads about all the noxious gases given off by animals including ourselves. What are we going to do as humans beyond inserting plugs similar to those we shove in our ears or maybe insert plastic tubes and collect all the methane for cooking and heating? Of course we might have a bit of an entanglement problem.

What are the consequences to plant life as we know it. Well, say goodbye to any plant under 110cm tall, except maybe bloody pine trees. The vegetable garden that you’ve been tending carefully with sheep poop will require some hefty fencing, no more little strips of plastic or upturned bottles, and of course give up any hope of a garden unless protected by steel girders that can hold back an elephant. PETA sees fencing them in as cruelty too, you can say ta-ta to national parks, botanical gardens and roadside flora of any significance. I don’t know if even Goats will eat Gorse.

Expect to drive very slowly through unruly mobs of sheep walking along our Expressways and increased tension between customers and sheep in the Supermarket car-park.

There will be a whole new meaning to ‘packing a trunk’, or ‘feeding the chooks’. Some sayings will quickly get you into strife like ’stone the crows’, ‘smacking the monkey’ or ‘I’ll go and stuff the Chicken’.

PETA have a principal and I respect that but they obviously don’t have any members who are mathematicians or they would see the ridiculous folly of their cause. I would love to hear from any vegetarian (vegan or not) to argue their case. Come on now someone out there must be upset with this article?

AND VEGANS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR JUST PLAIN CONDOMS EITHER.

'To that end, (contraception) Trojan makes latex condoms as well as ones made of biodegradable LAMBSKIN. Other brands offer a vegan variety that replaces the dairy product in latex condoms with cocoa powder. And no, they don't all taste like chocolate'.

Adiós Mary Firstcross