We live in an ever-changing and fascinating world. It was recently announced that not only is our Universe expanding as a result of the theoretical BIG BANG it is also expanding because of GLOBAL WARMING.
As they heat up things expand and so it is with our atoms. Called STRING THEORY after the question ‘How long is a piece of string’ it was recently worked out by some of our top scientists that everything is expanding and it can’t all be blamed on shit food even though it is making up 0.00000008% of carbon dioxide through humans un-necessary farting. In lay terms our boffins have discovered that there must be nothing between the atoms otherwise being ball-shaped they would clang together so loudly we would not be able to hear ourselves think. It is these nothings that they believe are expanding.
Ten years ago the star ‘Dromeda Ursa Null Nomad Y’ was measured as one million light years from Earth. Last year when the tape measure finally rewound back into itself it was 1 million and 1 light years to D.U.N.N.Y. When First Name interviewed Professor Lomarx at Questicon in Canberra he remarked that they couldn’t explain exactly what was going on due to humanities inability to live for a million light years and thus go there to prove the theory. What the universe was expanding into was also being studied. If nothing can expand then what can it expand into? He went on to explain that some in the science community believe that it is possible that someone opened a window over the other side of the Universe. Things like Black Holes could be these windows. First Name asked Iva Lomarx about the existence of Black Holes.
‘Oh! Sure’ he said ‘we have some of them here in Canberra. For example there is a huge one over at the Taxation Department and several small ones are said to be between the ears of a few Ministers in the Lower House.’
Reporter Surname will continue his investigations into the investigations about the existence of nothing for future astonishing issues.
Note: If nothing can expand then there is still hope for the Astonisher.
Meet FIRST NAME-SURNAME who has joined us from the prestigious Academy of Science in Lilliput, Nova Scotia. He will be writing for us a series of articles about space, time and the T.A.R.D.I.S
No comments:
Post a Comment