BARNABY JOYCE HAS NEVER CONCEIVED ANYTHING

Fresh doubts have been cast over whether Barnaby Joyce has actually conceived anything at all during his 15 years in Parliament.

As speculation intensified in Canberra this morning, Mr Joyce said he had no choice but to confront the rumours, after weeks of conjecture. “The truth is, it’s possible I haven’t conceived of a single useful idea since 2013. If you look at the dates, you’ll see what I mean”.

Colleagues of the former Deputy PM said they were yet to see any evidence of a fresh idea. One went as far to speculate that Mr Joyce’s entire parliamentary career may not even be his. “It’s a grey area,” the colleague said.

Barnaby Joyce’s 13-year political career may actually belong to someone else, it has emerged.

As speculation intensified in Canberra, some sources suggested the true owner of Mr Joyce’s career his been an open secret for years.

“It’s pretty obvious that Barnaby has had nothing to do with this,” one source said. “The career belongs to Gina Rinehart. She conceived it; and she’s the one who’s supported it through it’s whole life”.

Mr Joyce said he would consider the career his, even if it turned out it wasn’t.