IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS ‘SPONSORSHIP’

In the beginning He created heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep,the Spirit of God hovering over the Mount Franklin waters.

And God said,“Let there be Incandescent light,” and there was incandescent light. Saw that the Osram light was good,he separated the Osram light from the Phillips . Called the Osram light “ Woman’s Day,” and the Phillips he called “Sleep City Night.” there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

And God said,“Let there be a vault to the waters for to separate light water from heavy water.” So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. It was so. God called vault “sky.” there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

And God said, “Let the Mount Franklin water under the Etihad sky be gathered to one place, let dry ground appear.” And it was so called the dry ground “Australia,” and the gathered Mount Franklin waters called “seas.” God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let the land produce gorse vegetation: -modified seed-bearing plants and pine tree plantations on the land that bear fruit without seed in it, according to Monsanto. ” And it was so. The land produced gorse vegetation: GM plants bearing seed according to their kinds pine trees bearing fruit with no seed in it according to Monsanto. And God saw that it was good. There was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

And God said, “Let there be downlights the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, let them be L.E.D lights in the vault of the sky to give soft light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light that govern day he called News Limited and the lesser light to govern night he called This Day Tonight. And he also made the TV stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to transmit light to the earth, govern the day and the night, to separate light Comedy programmes from Game Show darkness. And God saw that it was good. There was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

And God said, “Let the Mount Franklin water teem with living creatures, let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” God created the great creatures of the sea every living thing with which the Mount Franklin water teems and that moves about in it, to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that Virgin Airlines **, and Carnival Cruises and Manly Ferry’s were good and blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the Mount Franklin water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” There was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures to their kinds: livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” He created Football Teams and it was so and made the wild animals according to their kinds, Tigers, Panthers, Lions and the livestock according to their kinds,  Football Fans, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds., NFL, and God’s own favourite Soccer. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, our likeness, that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” And so he created Advertising Agencies and Account Executives and Ticket Writers and he saw that it was good. 

So God created his own image, in the image of God created them; male and female created them, Nobility and Dictators he created them, cross dressers and people who were gay he created them, and people who fantasize of vacuum cleaners and watermelons he created them. But the Devil not God created he the species called Vegans for he saw that it was bad. That they would gobble seeds and not the animals that seeds were meant to feed. God saw the badness in Vegans and said that they should be treated as humans in need of special care.

God blessed them all who ate Meat and said to them,““Be fruitful and increase in number; most of thine at least, the earth subdue it. Rule over fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Then God said, “I give you every GM seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with no seed in it. They will be for Woolworths. To all the beasts of the earth for Megameats and all the birds in the sky for Birdseye and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life it—I give every green plant for food to Supermarkets.” And it was so.

God saw all that he had made, it was very good. There was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the T.V hosts for them. And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made and he said that Carpet King Touch Football and Commonwealth Bank cricket should they be blessed to play on the seventh day. And he blessed all those who play for Packer-stan.  All the generations of the footballers and of the cricketers they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,

Footnotes:

** There is no commercial relationship between Virgin Airlines and the Virgin Birth.

HOW TO WIN WARS BY LOSING MONEY

Society is constantly in a state of confusion over what is best for its future. From the earliest begining the law has been based initially on the Ten Commandments, and not withstanding the 18 million different interpretations of those laws are still essentially the basis of a functional community.

Part of that function has been to hurt those who are naughty and punish those who cannot afford to break the laws.

But where after 40,000 years has it got us. Even the most severe punishments, the taking of a life by the State, has never deterred miscreants from breaking the law.

Data will show in general that for every $20 Billion a year lost by society through the committal of various crimes it costs society $80 Billion a year in control, detection, justice and punishment. One might ask the question is it worth paying out $4 to save $1? Statistics says it doesn’t but our community has to be protected and there must be a better way.

Switzerland has four more times the guns per person than in the United States yet less than 1% of crime is committed with such a a weapon in that country. It does not compute, so there must be another explanation.

In the Northern European countries the prison system would appear to us to be a joke, group homes, minimal security and only those who are the most violent are locked up. Crimes where there are no victims are generally punished in what Australian would describe as an unpaid holiday. Yet the recidivism rate is only a quarter of what it is in this country.

Where are they going right or where are we going wrong?

Data in the United States would suggest that with their imprisonment rate increasing by around 15% every year that by the end of the next century every American man, woman and child will be locked up in prison. Maybe that’s good - crime will cease to exist except within the controlled environment of a penitentiary. And think of the court costs that will save.

The cave man tore peoples tongues out, the Pharaohs crushed criminals under heavy rocks but people were still naughty. The Romans threw them to the lions, Kings and Queens used hanging as a punishment and then added drawing and quartering to the mix finally sticking their head on a pike and propping it up on the nearest bridge as a final flourish but the prison hulks kept filling up. Vlad tuned people into kebabs, while boiling in oil was popular in the Otterrman Empire. After the reign of Henry VIII the axe became less popular and hanging people in a cage from a gibbet by the roadside until their bones fell through the bars was thought to be a more modern day deterrent. Dogs and pigs were well fed but crime went on un-abated.
The British in the 1770’s even despatched criminals across the seas, exhiled them to the hell of the antipodies hoping to never see or hear of them again so what happened to that experiment? It evolved into people smuggling.

Exiling people and sending them off to Gulags didn’t get Russia anywhere. Their criminals became the ruling class. Concentration camps either in Poland or in the Pacific has not deterred anyone from continuing anti-social activities, Asylum Seekers made out to be those most heinous of criminals can’t even be stopped from tramping all over the garden beds of Europe and we can’t even stop them from tramping all over Christmas Island.

Why are we not looking at what ideas are working and ignore the Queen of Hearts screaming “Off with their heads”. We must devise ways not to violently fuck up other peoples countries so they all want to rush over here in a peaceful invasion. We’ve got to spend those $1’s on young people through proper education and training, support and encouragement to save the $4 they’ll cost us when they get older.

We’ve got to stop subsidizing the rich and close the tax loopholes so that every citizen pays their fair share towards the combating of crime through the human improvement to our community. Make make everyone pay their fair share so that some bastard doesn’t decide to take it from us illegally.
Make the punishment fit the crime for rich, poor, elite and even ruling classes alike but make it a punishment that works.

BARNABY JOYCE HAS NEVER CONCEIVED ANYTHING

Fresh doubts have been cast over whether Barnaby Joyce has actually conceived anything at all during his 15 years in Parliament.

As speculation intensified in Canberra this morning, Mr Joyce said he had no choice but to confront the rumours, after weeks of conjecture. “The truth is, it’s possible I haven’t conceived of a single useful idea since 2013. If you look at the dates, you’ll see what I mean”.

Colleagues of the former Deputy PM said they were yet to see any evidence of a fresh idea. One went as far to speculate that Mr Joyce’s entire parliamentary career may not even be his. “It’s a grey area,” the colleague said.

Barnaby Joyce’s 13-year political career may actually belong to someone else, it has emerged.

As speculation intensified in Canberra, some sources suggested the true owner of Mr Joyce’s career his been an open secret for years.

“It’s pretty obvious that Barnaby has had nothing to do with this,” one source said. “The career belongs to Gina Rinehart. She conceived it; and she’s the one who’s supported it through it’s whole life”.

Mr Joyce said he would consider the career his, even if it turned out it wasn’t.