A new discovery has been recently marketed as quick and effective 'Tangible Light'.
It is a simple inexpensive device that can be fitted to any existing meter even if it’s not ‘smart’. However one customer we interviewed had a complaint about the product. “The moment I turned the bloody thing on I couldn't move my hand away from the light switch, in fact I couldn't move anything, it was like being stuck in an ice-block.”
When we asked a spokesperson he pointed out that “the inability to move once light had become solid was a bit of a drawback”. When I tried to walk around in it myself (on just half-power) I ended up bruised and battered by constantly bumping into its rays and I'm not sure if it will catch on.
The spokesperson said that one positive outcome was that it could be the end to war and terrorism. When I asked why he replied “You can't get anything to f.....g explode in it”.
Alfred Newman stuntman, test pilot, human guinea pig and host of the ABC show ‘The New, New and even Newer Inventors’ decided to test the non-explosive theory by clutching a grenade to his chest and pulling the pin.. His remains will be cremated today at Linton Cemetery on a C.F.A sponsored Bonfire.
In other news the ABC apologised for the break in their Inventors Programme. It was caused by an electrical blackout which lasted 5 minutes, a reserve generator failed to materialize and the intangible light device had been unintentionally disconnected.
No comments:
Post a Comment