PUBLISH AND BE DAMNED

The recent promise by local politician Sarah Ferguson in the Courier to make available to the public the names and addresses of sex offenders initially sounds like a sensible idea until you drill down into the ramifications of such material being openly available. On reading it my blood boiled. Who advised her to even entertain the idea?

In a past life I spent nearly 23 years in and out of situations dealing with victims of sexual assault. At one point in the mid-80s I was offered a position to become one of only three male sexual assault counsellors for adolescents in NSW. The difficulty I faced was to decide if I could also include perpetrators. Although I believed that both should receive appropriate counselling the warning bells rang when it was pointed out I could never tell anyone outside the industry what I did, could not publish my address, what about the effects on my family, I already had a silent phone number, be ready at any time to evacuate my place of work and move house but worst of all possibly face being labled, as a counsellor for perpetrators, that I must be one of them too. I declined on the grounds of personal safety.

It is this perception by the community that rings alarms about public lists. Police, Courts, Welfare Departments and a huge majority of people working with children in these situations are determined that such a publication never comes about.

Whilst the intent of publication is benign and meant to protect the community the available data shows that most paedophiles act within the family. They are principally step-fathers but include fathers (and a few mothers) uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters. Stranger danger is but an infinitesimal part of solving the problem. In fact a counsellor in the United States studied that countries information and calculated that if you put your child on the street at birth they would be seventeen by the time any adult tried to interfere with them including sexual advances and only about ten percent would go any further. By comparison the figure of 1 in 4 children are sexually assaulted at some time in their lives suggests 1 in 3 are within the family.

Any sensible person would see the results of publication. Vigilante groups attacking people with the same name (there are at least three of me in Australia), offenders would move house and become ‘of no fixed abode’ and untraceable, the name of the offender would then expose the name of the victim in cases where it is within the family resulting in severe trauma for the child and terrible consequences for their future socialisation by making them an outcast in their own community. They could not go to school, join clubs or play sport due to the stigma attached to being a sexual assault victim. ‘They brought it upon themselves you know’.

It is also dangerous in that it may lead perpetrators to ‘eliminate the child’ so they cannot talk, and no amount of ‘Sorry’ will ever make up for the death of innocence.

I implore the local community not to buy into, or support such a move. Sarah Ferguson and her like, that want to play on the misplaced fears of the electorate to curry favour and gain votes. It is a cynical and dangerous exercise to attempt to convince the less thoughtful, more knee jerk voters that such moves will help. They won’t, they can’t and they shouldn’t.

AFFAIRS OF THE HEART CHAPTER 2

NEXT IN THE SERIES

ART ATTACK

‘HEALTH OUTCOME FACILITATORS’

In the last episode some time ago it ended with my being transferred to Royal Melbourne for ‘further investigatoring’ of my apparently failing bloodlines.

In between the eightish beds I was liable to occupy during this entire period of confinement there were moments where I was able to not only contemplate my own situation ,but make observations about the various health professionals gliding to and fro and ministering to the sick and needy.

Most prominent are those men and women, women-men or men-women who possess the certification of ‘‘Nurse’.

I will try not to use the word models in this context as few could be accidentally thought of in that sense. Lets same they come in three ‘versions’ of Nurse.

#1 in my preferred order would be those that believe helping others is a vocation, a calling, despite the deplorable conditions. I would make similar observations of Nuns as they also seem to enjoy holding someone’s hand. There is the rare Nun of course who is holding your hand because they’re trying to pry away the Will Form in order to help you complete it, but they are a rarity.

This version of nurse is polite, considerate, friendly and helpful. They give the impression that maybe they should be in an asylum for putting up with what they have sometimes been forced to do. They have an unshakeable belief that laughter is the best medicine and try to achieve that goal when and where it is appropriate. (Men do not always appreciate a giggle while their genitals are being washed).

#2 version believe nursing to be an honourable job despite the shit pay. It might also be said that in earlier, more prudish times, it may have also given a proper young lady an appropriate way to manipulate a potential suitor.

There were times in the ancient past, which still persists in some regimes more sexist today, when men were particularly attracted to nurses because they could wave their willy around without the girl fainting from laughter.

#3 on my list is the most dreaded and the least popular brand often left in the showroom for stocktake sales or depressed old men with severe vision problems like me.

They will more than likely boast that they were actually trained by Florence Nightingale, and following Florence’s realisation of what harm she had really done, took to her bed for the remainder of her life as a penance while the rest of the profession soldiered on.

These fugly ones will seek power in order to compensate for God’s vengeance, the poor conditions and the shit pay.

To be fair they are also the ones that work the extra shifts, overtime without pay and sit next to the nearly departed for hours without complaint or reward primarily because they can’t find a suitably fugly male to ask them out for a date. These are the rarest beings on the planet, someone who seems to derive pleasure from the shit being thrown at them on an hourly basis. I’m sure some of them would keep smiling even while being devoured feet first by a mechanical wood-chipper.

Maybe the hard-arsed and harder-faced old fashioned martinettes like my friend ‘Stallone’’ at John Fawkner, should be my first brand of nurse. It might turn out that they are as desperate as me, maybe that’s why they are so dedicated to their work they’re just filling in time before a quick fumble and shag down in the X-Ray darkroom. They’d sleep with Julie Bishop, Alan Jones or even the Elephant Man to get a head.

Lording it over these ladies is the inevitable boss cocky ,or lack of, in the Senior Nurse or Matron, or maybe they call them Executive Health Managers these days, who usually appear followed by the Corps de Medico. The Hattie Jacques and Lucretia Borgias of the nursing world leading their naïve charges to their virtual slaughter by the bedside.

The Florence is looking to see who might swing both ways, the Hattie is wondering which male nurse might be open for ravishing and the Lucretia is looking for someone with whom they can share a half-decent screw and then end the relationship by chewing the head off under their flacid helmet.

Maybe I was a tad unfair with these descriptions as there are many nurses who don’t open their legs as often as automatic doors, whose University training and professionalism is without peer. I must admit that being of the old school I still cling to the notion that nursing was always an under appreciated profession taken up by young ladies who couldn’t sell perfume, dresses or bouffant your hair, who spent much of their younger years playing doctors and nurses and wanted to continue the fun and games through their adult years.

More later.

GAFFS OF THE YEAR

Tony Abbott, who refuses to wear make-up because he doesn't want to look like an economic girlie-man, walked straight past the new Indonesian President at his inauguration earlier this year.

Apparently he either didn’t recognise the leader of the most populous Islamic nation in the world and our closest neighbour in several ways or he was in a hurry to get to the stall handing out free gifts to world leaders.

George Brandis made himself a laughing stock by saying that even bigots had rights which sort of gives the green light to every self-righteous character to voice their obnoxious opinions as well.

I suppose we could count ourselves lucky that this column is not long enough to include all the gaffs of the Labor party. There biggest gaff was not having any policies which advanced the country and seemed designed just bring us to gridlock like our allies across the Pacific.

Of course that includes England where Tony Abbott is vying for the job of 'Warden of the Cinque Ports' a job previously held by Bob Menzies. He'll look better in knickerbockers, robes and funny hats than in his budgie-smugglers. The gong to someone who already has a dozen of them has just made a joke out of Philip and fools of Team Australia.

We get the government we deserve and if we elect the greedy, self-centred, ideology driven party shits that lead us at all three levels of government then so be it.

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HUGE SURGE IN CRIME IN LINTON DISTRICT

Little wonder Linton has a very busy Senior Constable. Up until now he has been involved in a lot of serious crime, those sorts of crimes that can attract a court appearance. Bushrangers and cattle-duffers, people speeding in all manner of contraption and the intensive, on-going search for the flock of black sheep that used to decorate the median strip outside the hotel.

Now he has to contend with a surge in old people writing on footpaths in chalk complaining about Golden Pains, children doing illegal cartwheels and handstands, adults allowing dogs to poop in public and many other minor offences which can take up valuable time spent better detecting more dastardly crimes such as the price of electricity, children blowing out candles or nugget mining and how to keep gold prospectors out of our gardens. Now we find that he has a whole new set of laws to make us uphold.

Unrestrained dogs in cars. This is not just mutts on trucks but bitches on the back seat too. Animal rightists, people who think pets are little humans, don’t like the idea of dogs getting their thrills dangling out windows or distracting the driver by sniffing crotches. The fact that country dogs, used to the freedom of being a dog, can be just as stressed out by restraints and can be more distracting and disturbing to drivers with constant whining and barking to be let off the leash. If we are going to create a law to protect dogs in cars then we need a law to protect us from wayward pussies landing in our laps as well.

Drivers not locking their cars whilst getting fuel at the Take-Away. This is about as crazy as it gets. According to statistics there were three cars stolen in this way in 2013 which is odds of about 170 million to 1. If we created a law to protect things with odds less than that we would have even been prevented from going to the moon or putting underpants on our heads and appearing on Australia’s Got Talent.

Teenagers being left alone in vehicles. I can understand children under a certain age that are too young to get themselves out of a situation but there are such things as windows on cars that wind down and door handles to allow you to get out of the car. Children are minors, minors are anyone under the age of 18. To suggest that children older than 6 cannot leave a hot car is absolutely ludicrous. Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe it’s to prevent abusers getting to unsupervised children. If that is the case then we can’t leave children alone with adults either.

Smoking within 5 Metres of non-smokers. There is also now a move afoot by the ruling elite (vegan health workers) lobbying to ban all smoking in public places. The loss of taxation revenue by the banning of all cigarettes by governments would be absolutely devastating. It has not been considered that the very funding of health services and subsequently the treatment of all cancers is by the raising of funds from smokers.

Sometimes having these miniscule inconveniences is far better than eliminating them. Knowing the Devil sometimes has better outcomes.

WHEN THE WHOLE TOWN GOES TO SCHOOL

It is very rare that the Astonisher goes anywhere near politics, but as our local newspaper doesn't cover any local news except contributions from other groups and unedited press releases it Is up to us to fill the towns information void. This year 322 people voted in Linton down from 350 in the last election. Does this reflect the electoral boundary change or a few more casting their vote by post or as absentee in other booths? That is something we will probably never know.

First we have to have illustrations of the figures for those who prefer charts and cartoons. Despite the fact there was a significant change to the electoral boundaries the village of Linton does not appear to have shifted its preferred candidates as much as one might have expected.

According to just the Linton Booth at the school, the variations between parties were very small, the most significant change being the large group of 34 Linton voters swinging away from Ben Taylor (Liberals) and even 8 away from Geoff Howard (Labor). We believe this shows a total dislike of the two main parties and a swing to minor/micro parties.

New candidate Sonia Smith (Nationals) gained a little with 3 Linton voters moving her way, and despite the advice to her from our political correspondent, that the Nationals should 'go it alone with country-centric policies', they are getting very little out of their sleeping arrangements with the Liberals. She spent a lot of her time in the area, the only candidate that we know of, lobbying and trying to present herself as a minor rebel in the National ranks. It didn't work, despite lots of country perfume she was unable to overcome the metropolitan stench making the voters hold their nose.

The Greens seemed to have benefited from Linton wanting a new aroma picking up 11 more votes and going by their win in Melbourne CBD, populated apparently by Vegan Cyclists, could be a force to be reckoned with if they can convince country people that they are not just tree huggers. They could do that by aligning themselves closer to the Ford/Toyota Farmers than the Yodelling Hikers who freak out when their Range Rovers pick up a bit of mud.

What the results show is that there is still the same 20 people who stroll up to the school with no intention of doing any more than buying cakes rather than exercise their democratic right to put numbers in boxes. If you don't vote or are too stupid to know how to vote then you have no right to whinge and carry on about what our government is doing. We believe it’s a case of vote or shut up.