I suppose by way of explanation for our Internet Readers who may not be familiar with the small details about Linton. The ‘Saints’ are the local A.F.L Team who planned and executed a childish adventure through a few towns by hired-bus to celebrate their winning of the District Australian Football League Competition.
By the time they got to Linton - The Linton-Carngham Football Team to give them their proper title were so drunk and so belligerent, typical of tiny-cocked footy players, that they decided to vandalise some artwork a resident had installed on the median strip outside the pub for the fun of it.
Charge Of Footballing Saints
by Alfred
Memorializing Events in the Rape of the Sheep, September 2008.
Written 2014
Written 2014
Half a step half a stagger,
Half a lurch onward,
Across the highway at Linton
Staggered the six:
'Forward, the A.F.L!
Charge for the centre ones' they yelled:
Onto the Median Strip
Swayed the six.
'Forward, the Footy Club!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the footballer knew
Some were plastered:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Onto the median strip
Rolled the six.
Sheep to the right of them,
A swaggie to left of them,
Sheep in front of them
Wooden & blackened;
Nary a hole from shot or shell,
Wildly they strode and fell,
Into the Bushes of Linton,
Into the moss and Garden
Careened the six.
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they unzipped in air
Abusing the sheep they found there,
Charged like an army while
All the town wonder'd:
Plunged in the cigarette-smoke
Right thro' the artwork they broke;
Carngham & Snake
Reel'd from the hit and miss,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
The sheep they plundered
Raged the six.
Sheep fell to the right of them,
Swaggie swayed to left of them,
Sheep not left behind them
Raved, yelled and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with feet plundered,
Some drunken hooligan fell,
They that had damaged so well
Came thro' the bushes of Linton,
Back to the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
All of the six.
When can their exploits fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the town wonder'd.
While they watch the crowd plundered
Dishonour the Saints,
The hero six!
Half a lurch onward,
Across the highway at Linton
Staggered the six:
'Forward, the A.F.L!
Charge for the centre ones' they yelled:
Onto the Median Strip
Swayed the six.
'Forward, the Footy Club!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the footballer knew
Some were plastered:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Onto the median strip
Rolled the six.
Sheep to the right of them,
A swaggie to left of them,
Sheep in front of them
Wooden & blackened;
Nary a hole from shot or shell,
Wildly they strode and fell,
Into the Bushes of Linton,
Into the moss and Garden
Careened the six.
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they unzipped in air
Abusing the sheep they found there,
Charged like an army while
All the town wonder'd:
Plunged in the cigarette-smoke
Right thro' the artwork they broke;
Carngham & Snake
Reel'd from the hit and miss,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
The sheep they plundered
Raged the six.
Sheep fell to the right of them,
Swaggie swayed to left of them,
Sheep not left behind them
Raved, yelled and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with feet plundered,
Some drunken hooligan fell,
They that had damaged so well
Came thro' the bushes of Linton,
Back to the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
All of the six.
When can their exploits fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the town wonder'd.
While they watch the crowd plundered
Dishonour the Saints,
The hero six!
The Astonisher has commenced a campaign, considering the Council and the Police both knew of the incident, that we would try have the artwork re-installed and the damage paid for by the football team. The local policeman, a supporter of the tream (and I suppose fair enough as nobody laid an official complaint) has done nothing, the Council also aware of the vandalism and the perpetrators did nothing but remove the damaged artwork to the council yard and dumped it there, finally disposing of it in 2012. In fact no witnesses ever laid a complaint at any time to authorities, not even the Publican to whom the Manager of the team promised to make reparations for the damage.
Our complaint, after patiently waiting 6 years for nothing to happen, wrote to Golden Plains Council. The letter went as far as the ‘Arts Officer’ (whatever she is supposed to be in charge of) who, in a phone call, at first suggested Council apply for a Commonwealth Arts Grant to have them replaced. We threatened to blow the whistle to the Federal Arts Minister if they tried to get Federal or State Taxpayers to foot the bill. The last communication with her was an agreement to approach a local Men’s Shed who, slung $200 or so by the Football Club (who drunkardly admitted liability), might make replicas of the wooden sheep and council re-install them. Naturally she has done nothing and we expect nothing will be done. An attempt was made by a local artist, who created two sheep ‘at it’ and placed them on the median strip. Council workers soon saw the attempt at humour and it only lasted a few hours.
No charges have ever been laid or explanations sought by anyone except the Astonisher. So if you feel like kicking the shit out of some defenceless inanimate object feel free tro come to Linton. Our council apparently doesn’t give a fuck. This is an ongoing campaign so be prepared for more to come.
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