OR
‘How to shorten the Checkout queue.”
This is the time of year when the shops start getting crowded and you are nowhere near the end of your Christmas shopping list. Everywhere you go there are lines, queues, numbered tickets or sales clerks lazily checking out their hair if their a girl or sorting out their crutch if their a boy.
Here is a hint about how to get through the checkout quicker, or even how to get them to provide you with services before anyone else. It has everything to do with the right music. Christmas music, music with tinkling things and ringing things.
It works best with a basket, not so well with a trolley. First approach the checkout and select the shortest queue if there is one. Maybe 15 people or less.
Stand in the shop where you can be clearly seen. At home you might want to go to the bedroom alone to rehearse this as you read it.
Stand straight at first clutching your shopping basket in the left hand. Now, lower the basket almost to the floor, this will give you a slight forward lean. Tuck your right arm to your chest as though you were holding a bottle of milk in your armpit or maybe pretend your doing the chicken dance.
Next raise your face toward the people in the queue in front of you. Twist your mouth to one side and start dribbling. Make sure you have a well-hunched back.
Now for the ‘piece-de-resistance’ slowly, almost like a whisper and repeating the mantra each time getting louder, let the saliva drip from your lips while at the same time crying out demonically ‘the bells, the bells, the bloody bells’
Now as you shuffle your way towards the cashier, it’s amazing how quickly people will stand aside for you and let you get through the checkout process in record time.
If you have a trolley you need to vary the shuffle to include pushing it along with your knuckles or kicking it forward with your foot.
With appropriate music it will also work a treat at Centrelink or your Bank. It is however NOT recommended to do it anywhere that disability or mental services are provided.
MAY WE WISH ALL OUR READERS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A JOYOUS NEW YEAR.
WITH ALL OUR LOVE
Maxine Suffolk, Robert Le Billdeux, Mary, Betty and Butch Lamb, Casserole, Roast, Kebab, Panchen and Dali.
PLEASE EXPLAIN
The Arabs who demonstrate against the west and want to destroy America -
WEARING GAP T-SHIRTS AND NIKE TRAINERS
So called Australians complaining about how many Chinese there are -
WHILE EATING TAKE-AWAY SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN
Why do signs in the back of cars that say ‘Baby On Board’ not add the words -
AND SAFELY NAILED TO IT
THIS MONTHS STUPID IDEA
Why don’t we install speed limiters on cars for certain drivers rather than put speed limits on all cars.
For example-
Red P – Engines limited to 80K/hr
Green P – Engines limited to 100K/hr
If the maximum speed in any state is 110K/hr then why not have limiters on all cars to 140 K/h. I suggest the extra 30Kph so that the Police can still raise some revenue from motorists exceeding the speed limits.
Maybe to slow people down and visit lovely Linton that between the Police Station and the Post Office we have a speed limit of 3Kmh. That would be slow enough for the Grocer to employ someone to sell goodies literally door to door and save the Pub putting in a drive-through Bottle Shop.
THIS MONTHS SOMEONE ELSE SAID
“TITLES ARE TINSEL, POWER A CORRUPTOR, GLORY A BUBBLE AND EXCESSIVE WEALTH A LIBEL ON ITS POSSESSOR.”
Percy Byshe Shelley, Declaration of Rights, 1812.
‘How to shorten the Checkout queue.”
This is the time of year when the shops start getting crowded and you are nowhere near the end of your Christmas shopping list. Everywhere you go there are lines, queues, numbered tickets or sales clerks lazily checking out their hair if their a girl or sorting out their crutch if their a boy.
Here is a hint about how to get through the checkout quicker, or even how to get them to provide you with services before anyone else. It has everything to do with the right music. Christmas music, music with tinkling things and ringing things.
It works best with a basket, not so well with a trolley. First approach the checkout and select the shortest queue if there is one. Maybe 15 people or less.
Stand in the shop where you can be clearly seen. At home you might want to go to the bedroom alone to rehearse this as you read it.
Stand straight at first clutching your shopping basket in the left hand. Now, lower the basket almost to the floor, this will give you a slight forward lean. Tuck your right arm to your chest as though you were holding a bottle of milk in your armpit or maybe pretend your doing the chicken dance.
Next raise your face toward the people in the queue in front of you. Twist your mouth to one side and start dribbling. Make sure you have a well-hunched back.
Now for the ‘piece-de-resistance’ slowly, almost like a whisper and repeating the mantra each time getting louder, let the saliva drip from your lips while at the same time crying out demonically ‘the bells, the bells, the bloody bells’
Now as you shuffle your way towards the cashier, it’s amazing how quickly people will stand aside for you and let you get through the checkout process in record time.
If you have a trolley you need to vary the shuffle to include pushing it along with your knuckles or kicking it forward with your foot.
With appropriate music it will also work a treat at Centrelink or your Bank. It is however NOT recommended to do it anywhere that disability or mental services are provided.
MAY WE WISH ALL OUR READERS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A JOYOUS NEW YEAR.
WITH ALL OUR LOVE
Maxine Suffolk, Robert Le Billdeux, Mary, Betty and Butch Lamb, Casserole, Roast, Kebab, Panchen and Dali.
PLEASE EXPLAIN
The Arabs who demonstrate against the west and want to destroy America -
WEARING GAP T-SHIRTS AND NIKE TRAINERS
So called Australians complaining about how many Chinese there are -
WHILE EATING TAKE-AWAY SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN
Why do signs in the back of cars that say ‘Baby On Board’ not add the words -
AND SAFELY NAILED TO IT
THIS MONTHS STUPID IDEA
Why don’t we install speed limiters on cars for certain drivers rather than put speed limits on all cars.
For example-
Red P – Engines limited to 80K/hr
Green P – Engines limited to 100K/hr
If the maximum speed in any state is 110K/hr then why not have limiters on all cars to 140 K/h. I suggest the extra 30Kph so that the Police can still raise some revenue from motorists exceeding the speed limits.
Maybe to slow people down and visit lovely Linton that between the Police Station and the Post Office we have a speed limit of 3Kmh. That would be slow enough for the Grocer to employ someone to sell goodies literally door to door and save the Pub putting in a drive-through Bottle Shop.
THIS MONTHS SOMEONE ELSE SAID
“TITLES ARE TINSEL, POWER A CORRUPTOR, GLORY A BUBBLE AND EXCESSIVE WEALTH A LIBEL ON ITS POSSESSOR.”
Percy Byshe Shelley, Declaration of Rights, 1812.
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