MARCH FLIES?

YES – MARCH FLIES
or
Is there anything dumber than an Alpaca?




Of course every self-respecting Shepherd has to have an Alpaca or two let loose amongst the flock. It raises the question for me, having acquired a couple, which ‘Is there anything dumber than an Alpaca?’

It has been over nine months and they are yet to work out whether they should be afraid of the sheep or the sheep be afraid of them.

I saw a documentary once about Australian animals being some of the dumbest in the world because they lacked any serious predators and so placed little emphasis on real protection. But I think Alpacas faced the same problem in Llama land and have evolved into what would appear to be the world’s dumbest creatures.

The brown male I have is formerly known as ‘Dali Llama’ or ‘Mayor’ because he thinks he’s in charge, the other, the black male is formerly known as ‘Penshun Llama’ or ‘Administrator’ because he pretends not to be the real boss. They don’t mind each others company, but they bicker, they carry on more like husband and wife. Frankly I think they suffer from ADHD or a Bi-polar Disorder.

My Alpacas primary role is to see off small animals such as foxes they don’t believe should be there especially at lambing time. I don’t doubt that they are valuable as many Shepherds swear by their effectiveness. But I don’t seem to have any foxes. Bossy, the lead whether passed away and it was four days before I placed him in the ‘Pit of Death’ yet he remained untouched even by Crows.

They have proved their worth however by seeing off the next door neighbours’ cat a few times. Boy does that ginger thing pick up speed when an Alpacas about to hoof its head in.

An example of how Alpacas don’t think might be how, after the shearing of the sheep, they then spent 20 minutes chasing them around the property getting more frustrated every time a new one came shooting out of the race. I think they eventually realised that they already knew these animals from somewhere before but by then they were all slowly collapsing in the shade of trees including Dumb and Dumber.

Now, trees, there is an interesting concept. I’m convinced that genetically Alpacas do not relate to trees. Why should they, in the high Andes of South America trees are non-existent. So Alpacas have never learnt how to dip their heads below a tree branch. Mine just continue to walk towards their target, whether it is the waterhole or the next patch of grass. If they meet a tree it’s a case of just barge through.

Many a time I have been startled by what sounds like a meeting of monkeys in a nearby tree only to see a set of legs doing a Fred Astaire on the ground and a head eventually breaking loose of the rest of the tree. Out walks a really upset Alpaca almost seeming to say ‘Who put that bloody thing there?’

‘How to meet Alpacas and influence them’.

That’s a Course I would like to find if it exists. On the Sheep Course I learnt all about Ticks and Mites, Worms and Wombs, Teething Problems, Marking and Husbandry, but learnt nothing about how to organise them into a team.

They are also easily distracted, demonstrated by the fact that the young Alpacas next door get a little kiss occasionally. I’m not sure if they have worked out he’s neuter gender or they might like to participate in the Mardi Gras Parade.

I’ve had time to study the pros’ and cons of my various animals. I have come to the conclusion that Dumb and Dumber are far less intelligent than say - Louis De Fly.

GODFREY ZONE